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Divorce Suicide© – How to Lose it All

Saturday, June 11, 2015  

Welcome to the first installment of Divorce Suicide© – How to Lose it All or why you DON'T want a fair fight.  I invite readers to send me comments via email, agree, disagree, or tell me your story.   [email protected]

In future installments I'll address my own divorce as well as the usual conflicts, such as:

  • Should I stay for the kids
  • Should we attend counseling
  • I can't afford the house
  • Should I give him / her another chance
  • The Future Ex In-laws
  • Social Media
  • The Politically Correct Divorce


Monday, June 13, 2016

How Long Should I Wait to Begin My Divorce?

Scenario: You and your spouse own a house that you bought together during your marriage. Your spouse moves out and abandons you 1 year later. You continue to live in the house and make all the payments. Five years later your spouse files for divorce. During that 5 years your house value increased by $40,000.00. Your spouse wants 50% of the latest value.

Answer: Why didn't you file for divorce during those 5 years? What stopped you?  Even if the court finds that the spouse that abandoned you is at fault for the breakup of the marriage, the house will be valued at the time of divorce and not the time of separation.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

How Will an Affair Affect My Marriage? I Hear that Judges Don't Consider Adultery to Be a Big Deal Anymore.

Welcome to Divorce Suicide. Do you really want to find out if that is true in a courtroom?  I'm not a moralist and strive to be non-judgmental, so I've stumbled upon a solution for those that have lost their moral compass: Since you probably can't discuss this with your spouse, sit down and try to sell your idea to your child. Doesn't matter if the child is 2, 7, or 13. I'll bet you get some valuable feedback.

Tomorrow's Divorce Suicide© topic “Do you have a “Plan B””

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Do You Have a “Plan B?”

What the heck is a plan B? Its a strategy that gives you a place to live if your locks are changed. Its a blueprint that you have mapped out before you're in a marital crisis. Imagine the insanity of finding an apartment with a couple of kids in tow. Do you have a security deposit ready if needed? Have you chosen, interviewed and hired a lawyer? Can you imagine the insanity of putting your Plan B into action when you don't have one and when your bank account has been raided, your kids taken, and its 1AM….on a Saturday? Step out of chaos and insanity. Deal from a position of strength, not desperation.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

During Litigation Everything is Magnified

Remember that beer you had every night when you got home, took your shoes off, and put your feet up to watch TV? Bam. Now you're painted as an alcoholic. Remember that hit you took off a joint 3 months ago at your cousin's wedding? Bam. Now you're painted as a drug addict. Surf porn? Uh-oh. The point is divorce litigation is an extreme sport. Don't commit Divorce Suicide.

Tomorrow- You're only as good as your latest bad act.

Friday, June 17, 2016

You're Only as Good as Your Latest Bad Act

So you've been a great weekend Dad and never missed a child support payment in 17 years. Then you get laid off and miss 3 payments. There's a knock on your door. You answer. You've just been served with a Motion for Enforcement by Contempt. You glance over the paperwork. It's requesting you spend 180 days in jail for missing payments. Then be put on probation….and pay attorney's fees. What gives? You've paid for the last 17 years. Yes, but you missed the last 3 months. Remember…You're Only as Good as Your Latest Bad Act.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Social Media and Divorce Suicide. How Facebook makes me look like a genius

Even if you're not going through a divorce or a modification from someone trying to take custody of your kids, why on earth would you post a picture of yourself next to a 6 foot “bong?” Before you post stuff like that ask yourself how you intend to explain THAT to the judge. Please don't tell me your page is set to private. Believe me, if anyone can see it, then so can I. (And you probably don't want me asking you questions about it at trial.)

Runner Ups:

#1 At Trial: “Your honor I'm a lowly tattoo artist. I made $23,000.00 last year”                                                                                                         Opposing Counsel: “Then can you explain why your Facebook page says you are the tattoo artist to the stars and that you made over $175,000.00 last year?”

#2 Is it necessary for you to pose with your new paramour on Facebook? Why not just drop the kids at my office and save the time and expense of litigation.

#3 Please refrain from advertising your sexually oriented business online and think twice before showing the world your A**. Remember, if I can see it, then so can your kids… or their friends…or their friends parents.

Next time Drug use and Divorce Suicide

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Drug Use and Divorce Suicide

Hair follicle suicide. The illegal drugs you ingested over the last 90 days may come back to haunt you. You're the greatest parent in the world. We know. Day Care, Little League, Ballet, Swimming Classes, private tutoring, picnics, camping, Braces, Dr's Appointments, Clean Clothes, Immaculate House. You even wait until the kids are asleep to smoke a little hydro or use your other drug of choice. Clearly the Court will see you as a great parent and overlook your slightly positive drug test. Think again. You may be visiting your children under controlled supervised conditions at our County's SAFE program for the next 6 months or so. OUCH

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

One of us is going on a cruise when your divorce or modification is over. Either me and my kids or you and your kids. That's because you'll either pay me thousands of extra dollars to get you the microwave oven or you won't. Between the betrayal, hurt feelings, and rage, its easy to get your attention diverted from the real goal which is to end your litigation as quickly and efficiently as possible. Does that mean you have to leave something on the table? No, of course not. We'll be happy to go to Court to get you that microwave that has sentimental value. Or you can go to Walmart and buy 10 microwaves and every time you make popcorn, throw away the empty bag as well as the oven. You'll still save a ton of money and grief.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Why Its Easier For A Marriage to Survive Drug Addiction Than Infidelity

Lately it seems like allegations of drug abuse set off serious alarm bells and allegations of infidelity are met with a ho-hum attitude. But while illegal drug use gets most of the attention, I'll bet more relationships end because of infidelity. Here's my proof. If a spouse gets caught using drugs and swears it won't happen again they can submit to drug testing and provide their mate with instantaneous, random negative test results. Proof of compliance.

But when a spouse engages in infidelity (betrayal? deception?), whether an actual tryst or the overused “emotional affair” there is no test to prove future fidelity. Trust is destroyed. Even if the errant spouse throws their phone in the river, quits their job, sells their car, and begs for forgiveness and counseling, can the victimized spouse ever really be sure again?

Friday, April 20, 2018


One of the main duties of an Attorney is to present his/her client in the best light possible. I regularly tell opposing counsel that since the Pope travels my client is the next best person to look to for guidance. Opposing says that since Mother Theresa has passed, his client is the best person. Neither representation is particularly accurate, how can we know what's best for the kids?

Enter THE AMICUS ATTORNEY. Everyone knows the Amicus represents the kids in a divorce proceeding, right? And the Amicus will protect your children, right. Because the Amicus will come to your home and visit with you and your children, right. Unless the Amicus doesn't. Any recourse? None that I've seen.

I won't tell you who the Amicus represents. But look it up and you might be less willing to agree to let an Amicus be a part of your custody battle.

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